'I Play One on TV'
Have you seen those Lipitor commercials with Dr. Robert Jarvik? Did you know that Pfizer paid him at least $1.35 million to do those ads, even though he's not a cardiologist? Are you surprised to learn that he's not even licensed to practice medicine, although he does have a medical degree? What would you say if we told you that some of his former colleagues wrote to Pfizer in 2006 to complain that Dr. Jarvik was somewhat misidentified as “the inventor of the artificial heart”? How about that House Energy and Commerce Committee, which is examining the commercials as part of its investigation of consumer drug advertising? Who was that body double rowing across the lake in one of the ads, since Dr. Jarvik does not appear to row himself? Are we the first to tell you that Pfizer has agreed to pull those ads? Is anyone besides us expecting the next Lipitor campaign to include Dr Pepper, Dr. House, and Julius Erving? Who thinks we should stop trying to write while “Jeopardy” is on?
Yippee!
How's your golf game? Specifically, how's your putting? Are you a little shaky on those 3- and 4-footers? (We're changing the channel now.) Rich Lundahl is, and after he missed a 6-inch putt in the final round of the 2005 Fairbanks Open, he sought professional help from Dr. Charles Adler of the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Ariz., who was studying the causes of putters' cramp, better known as the yips. While 25 yippers and 25 nonyippers putted, he measured muscle activity in the right hand and forearm with a virtual-reality glove so special even Tiger Woods doesn't have one—the $14,000 CyberGlove. The results aren't in yet, but here's a clue to Dr. Adler's recommended treatment for the yips: The study was sponsored by Allergan Inc., whose biggest seller happens to be Botox. Stay tuned.
Two Great Tastes
Have you ever held a piece of pork fat and wondered, “How can I make this taste even better?” (Okay, we're turning the TV off. Really.) Wonder no more. Great culinary minds in Ukraine—where people have been eating pork fat, or “salo,” for years—have taken the next great leap for all pork-kind: They are dipping salo in chocolate. Death rates from heart disease in Ukraine already are among the highest in Europe, so physicians there are not exactly embracing the “super” salo. “People should steer clear of the Ukrainian Snickers,” Dr. Svetlana Fus of the Kiev Medical Research Center told the Bureau of Indications' London office (you may know it better as the BBC). Pfizer's Ukrainian division is now working on chocolate-covered Lipitor.
Not-So-Lean Fighting Machine
The Ukrainians may say that they love chocolate-covered pork fat, but we think we know where the super salo is really going. In Germany, soldiers think that the army's motto is “Eat all you can eat.” A report written for the Defense Ministry, which drew from a study conducted at the University of Cologne, showed that 40% of all German soldiers aged 18–29 years are overweight, compared with 35% of civilians in the same age group. It also noted that 70% of Germany's 250,000 soldiers are regular smokers. Reinhold Robbe, parliamentary commissioner for the military and the report's author, wrote, “Soldiers are too fat, don't do enough sports, and don't pay attention to what they eat.” Maybe they're paying too much attention to what they eat.
Man's Best Friend
Living with pets helps elderly people avoid loneliness, and animal-assisted therapy using dogs has become an accepted part of care in nursing homes. So why not try using a robot dog? Enter AIBO. Residents at three nursing homes in St. Louis received weekly visits from AIBO the robotic dog, a live dog, or no dog at all. Surprisingly, the AIBO and live-dog groups enjoyed the same drops in loneliness, which leads the Bureau of Indications to ask: What else can be replaced by a robot dog? Here are some suggestions: Mickey Mouse, Congress, global warming, the Burger King (you know, the guy in the commercials with the huge plastic head), Barry Bonds (another guy with a really big head), synchronized swimming, Howard Dean (has anyone ever measured his head?), Heathrow airport, the infield fly rule, lima beans, Mitt Romney (normal-size head, big hair), the subprime mortgage market, Britney Spears, Comcast, Hugo Chavez (big head, even bigger ego), Guitar Hero, the George Foreman grill, George Foreman. … You get the idea. If you know of someone, or something, that could be replaced by AIBO the robot dog, send your idea to us at