What does the patient need right now?
When I was a fourth-year medical student on my outpatient child psychiatry rotation, a 5-year-old child assigned male at birth was guarded and frightened of me until their mother said: “It’s okay, Dr. Elyse likes girl things too,” at which point the child became animated and happy while chatting with me about Barbie dolls. My patient had already endured teasing about gender nonconformity, starting in kindergarten; it was unclear to my patient whether I would be a safe person or a bully.
The mother was kind and affirming, but she also wanted answers. Would her child grow up to be a gay man? Or a transgender woman? Would her child be able to live freely, or would they always be quiet around others, scared of what people might say? Would her child be safe?
We can’t predict the future, but as doctors, we want to use all of our knowledge and tools to help our patients live healthy lives. In this case, it meant helping the mother know how to support her child’s identity, how to advocate for a safe school and community, where to connect with other gender-creative children, and how to tolerate ambiguity and celebrate the child she has, not the child she expected.
We know that people with higher support and higher self-esteem can have greater resilience and greater success. This family may need medical resources for puberty blockers, hormone therapy, and even surgery someday, but reassurance is what was needed in the moment. When your patient comes out to you, they are trusting you. It is your obligation and privilege as a medical professional to help them begin a journey to an authentic life.
A version of this article first appeared on Medscape.com.