This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.
Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings
Dr. Susan D. Swick
Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.
Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.
Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.