By Doug Brunk, San Diego Bureau
Damage control. That's how Dr. Maria J. Canizares, a mother of two boys, describes her life since leaving her marriage in July of 2006. The event coincided with the start of her duties as chief resident in the division of dermatology at Washington University, St. Louis. Her residency ends in June.
“The hardest thing for me is time management,” she said. “How do I get everything accomplished in 1 day or 1 week that I'm expected to do for being a resident, chief resident, my future practice, and boards, let alone for being a single parent of two boys? Often you have responsibilities to take your kids to ball practice, to a party, or to a school function. You either don't have time to do those things or you let go of your studying, which is what I have chosen to do for the majority of this year, for the first time in my life, really.”
She and her ex-husband have joint custody of their sons, 15-year-old Drew and 5-year-old Bryce, “which helps significantly,” she said.
The weekends that her ex-husband has the boys free Dr. Canizares up to get her chief resident duties, family duties, and errands accomplished but leave little time for much else. “That's where the burden comes in,” Dr. Canizares said.
She tries her best to squeeze in some “me time” now and then, “even if it just means that you drop the kids off at a play date and you have an hour to get your hair done, shop, or go out with friends,” she explained.
Despite the challenges of being a single mom, Dr. Canizares said that she has developed a new level of confidence in being self-sufficient. She's also learning new skills, such as how to cook, which her husband did previously. “Once you become a single parent, don't beat yourself up that the marriage failed or feel like you've made this huge mistake,” she advised. “Realize that there are other people in your shoes who have done it and can do it successfully. Look to the people around you [who] will support you. Realize that you can get through it. The children will still be okay and so will you.”
Visualizing her life after residency and board examination is something she thinks about “24/7,” she said. At this point in her life, “I'm truly waiting to exhale. It's relentless. First, I want to take my children on a trip—probably to Disney World or Hawaii—to spend time with them. Then, I look forward to getting into my practice. My ultimate goal is to travel and spend time with my children, my family, and my friends.”
Keeping Her Priorities
Dr. Denise C. Santucci was finishing her family medicine residency when her marriage ended in divorce in June of 2002. The couple's only child, Frank, was 5 months old at the time.
Seventeen months later, Frank was diagnosed with severe autism and mild mental retardation. Now, he's 5 years old and “very high functioning,” said Dr. Santucci, medical director of HIP Health Plan of New York, a managed care organization that serves patients in the Northeast. “He's communicative; he can speak. Cognitively, he's probably on a normal 2 ½-year-old level. But he has progressed very far in a short time.”
Dr. Santucci is raising Frank on her own with occasional help from her parents, siblings, and a nanny. She said she's been fortunate to have a flexible work schedule that allows her to attend meetings with teachers, therapists, and physicians involved in Frank's care. She also finds support from members of the Autism Society of America, the National Alliance for Autism Research, and other groups that assist families with special-needs children.
The way she sees it, being a parent, a physician, and a wife “are three different things,” said Dr. Santucci, who also has a private practice in Levittown, N.Y., visiting patients in nursing homes and group homes. “I'm fortunate enough to have to do only two of the three. I've been able to channel most of my free time and energy into working with my son and being a parent for him as well as satisfying my career goals and not worrying about having to maintain a relationship. Some might say that's sad, but to me it worked out to be very rewarding, particularly because my son is doing so well now. So am I.”
She maintains that anything is achievable if you manage time appropriately and keep your priorities. Frank and her patients “have always been my priorities,” said Dr. Santucci, who earned an executive master's degree in business administration from Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y., this spring.