My husband was in the ICU for eight of the last sixteen days of his life, and there were lots of missed opportunities for us. He wanted me there more than I was allowed. We missed time together we could have had. I feel it was a very cruel thing that was done to us.
We both knew the gravity of his condition, and my husband wanted quality of life, not quantity. I was a large part of the quality he wanted, but I was locked out for the greater part of his last days.
After my husband died, I felt I had to do something so that what happened to us wouldn’t happen to anyone else. I wrote letters to the chief executive officer of the hospital. I wrote to the chief of the medical staff. I wrote to the chief of nursing. And I wrote to the chaplain. The only person I ever heard from was the chaplain. No one apologized or said they would change the rules.
I believe more harm comes when family are not actively involved, and research is proving my belief is sound. And so I will continue to tell my story. I hope that if I tell it enough times, maybe people who write the rules in hospitals will realize that loved ones are advocates, not visitors.
I will never stop advocating for the elimination of visiting hours.
Reprinted from Crocker L, Johnson B. Privileged presence. Personal stories of connections in health care. 2nd ed. Boulder, CO: Bull Publishing; 2014.