A study of children with incarcerated parents suggests that teachers can be a powerful source of stigmatization. How would you help a child in this situation in psychotherapy?
Recently I sat down at a banquet table, and a man sitting across from me said, "I know you; you’re the doctor who taught me that children need love and praise." His comment, which I surmised was based on a lecture I had given months before, surprised me. Nonetheless, I was proud that the message had made in imprint on the mind of this stranger.
I thought of this incident when I read the paper referred to in this month’s question. The paper studies teachers and the way they react to elementary school students who have a parent in jail. The investigators, affiliated with the College of William & Mary and the Virginia Consortium Program in Clinical Psychology, both in Williamsburg, reached their conclusions by conducting two studies. The first focused on the experiences of 30 teachers with children who had incarcerated parents. The second study, which involved 73 teachers, examined their expectations for competency of fictitious children who were new to class because their mothers had been incarcerated (J. Appl. Dev. Psychol. 2010;31:281-90 [doi:10.1016/j.appdev.2010.04.001]). The findings devastated me because they showed that teachers make assumptions about their students’ academic potential based on one part of narrative.
Having an incarcerated parent is one of the 10 Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, described by Dr. Vincent J. Felitti and his colleagues. It is important for all of us doctors, teachers, and so on, to be cognizant of the factors that traumatize children and to do what we can to help them deal with the trauma. The teachers in this study did the opposite. The parent’s incarceration was not a secret and, according to the article, the teachers saw the difficulty the child was having. "Regarding children’s emotional difficulties, several teachers mentioned that these children had a low threshold for frustration and would easily ‘fall apart’ or ‘fall to pieces,’ " the researchers wrote.
In times of internalizing behavior problems, teachers often mentioned that these children said they felt sick and made frequent trips to the nurse’s office but did not have noticeable physical symptoms. They also note children’s internalizing behavior, stating that many with incarcerated parents act out in the classroom and have trouble interacting with peers. When describing a female student who lives with her grandmother, one teacher said, "She had a really high incidence of behavior issues, mostly because she had a low tolerance for those who mouthed off to her, then she’d say and do whatever she felt."
These teachers could have taken the children aside and talked to them to help reduce their stress. But that did not happen. Instead, these teachers stigmatize and penalize these children by making assumptions about their academic capability and doing nothing to stabilize those who are clearly suffering. We all know the power of self-fulfilling prophesies, and this study is further proof that if the teacher decides a child is not going to do well – that child won’t do well! Elementary school children are highly malleable and need support, encouragement and, particularly, a teacher who can be a mentor, a guide, an inspiration.
Loss and Rage
Several years ago, I was told about a child, a 7-year-old in second grade, who would tell everyone that he wanted to go to jail. When he misbehaved, he would tell the adult, "Send me to jail." Finally, someone asked him why he kept saying this, and he replied immediately, "My father’s in jail, and I want to be with him."
Recently, teenagers in a focus group were having a very open-ended conversation, when suddenly, two of them exposed their rage at not having a father. Both of these boys’ fathers were in prison. Usually, these teenagers would keep such personal distress to themselves, so those of us running the focus group were surprised at first by their angry outbursts. We soon realized, however, that such feelings must be universal.
This is what happens: The sense of disappointment and loss felt by these adolescents turns into rage – which becomes part of the driving force for delinquent behavior. In other words, the absence of a father or a mother for any reason is one of the major factors underlying much of the antisocial behavior of these young men and women.
We understand the importance of attachment, and when a child loves a parent to whom he or she is very attached, it is a disruption that lasts a lifetime, and is reported over and over again as the child grows and matures. Our society is especially adept at destroying family units by sending parents to jail with little concern for the children who are left behind.