Unfortunately, the “love-hate” dichotomy rooted in family-generated traditions of loyalty is becoming more evident in today’s turbulent sociopolitical environment. Children and young adolescents are not prepared to cope with the stressful effects of repeated exposure to intense conflictual events at home when parents adopt opposing sociopolitical ideologies. Furthermore, a parent might intentionally expose their child to emotionally conflictual circumstances in the name of a perceived value that might create and exacerbate stress, fear, and self-loathing. Ironically, by doing what a parent believes is right for their child, they might be transforming the child without their consent into a variant of a “toy soldier by proxy.” Such a child is a tool expected to follow the parental pathway and belief system without questioning, or even having the cognitive ability to do so, given their ongoing bio-behavioral and moral developmental phase.3
This new normative exposure to conflictual situations at the will of the parent is not only limited to watching them remotely but also may include participating in what is meant to be a peaceful protest or march. As we all witnessed in 2020, such events can easily deteriorate into unsafe environments rife with lawlessness and uncontrolled violence. This has included clashes between opposing groups who are matched in zeal and conviction, as well as opposition to or endangerment by law enforcement personnel trying to restore order by force. This is not where a responsible parent should take their child. Furthermore, there is the danger of loss of privacy of children exposed by media following their participation in public activity. This may lead to hate mail as that would further confuse and jeopardize a peaceful lifestyle, which is highly desirable for a developing child.
Cognitive dissonance. Have these parents temporarily allowed the limbic system to trump the restraints of the prefrontal cortex, as exhibited by an impulsive and risky behavior driven by poor insight? Have these parents thoughtfully weighed the balance between the merit of a child’s exposure to such conflictual circumstances and the peril of negative emotional consequences? This is illustrated by a mother who has been taking her preadolescent son to demonstrations regularly because “I want him to see how democracy works.”
Might this be a case of cognitive dissonance (CD) that amounts to unwitting mental child abuse if it happens repeatedly? According to the CD theory, there is a tendency to seek consistency between cognitions (eg, beliefs, opinions) and attitudes or behaviors. Inconsistency between these variables is termed “dissonance.”4,5 The importance attached to the dissonant belief affects the severity of the dissonance. The dissonance occurs when a parent must choose between 2 incompatible beliefs or actions. A classic demonstration of CD is when an adult requests that an adolescent follows his instructions (eg, “do not smoke or drink alcohol”), yet the adult does not act accordingly (eg, they smoke or drink). Role modeling demonstrated by such a discrepancy is a cause of confusion in the child. In terms of this article, the CD is between what the parent believes is an important learning experience by exercising the perceived right to pass to the child the parental value system vs compromising the protection of the child by exposing them to the potential negative consequences of a risky situation.
What can parents and therapists do?
Usually, parents mean well. It is important to communicate to parents the importance of refraining from forcing their children to join their battles. Calculating risks based on an intuitive approach is flawed because doing so is based on beliefs and emotions that originated in the limbic system (“I feel that”…) and are neither precise nor accurate.6 Teaching our youth in the school system how to think (eg, the science of logic and history of science) vs what to think (ie, indoctrination) is a key to healthy cognitive development. Furthermore, children need to have the time, space, and opportunities (learning moments) to develop this capacity. It is not until approximately age 16 that abstract thinking capabilities are developed. Cognitive dissonance can be eliminated by reducing the valence of the conflicting beliefs or by removing the conflicting attitude or behavior.
As parents and as mental health professionals, we should carry the necessary burden of responsibility to prevent the risk of “lost childhood” due to parental emotional zeal and righteousness that lead to early exposure to damaging adversity. We cannot afford to turn our children into exploitable tools (ie, toy soldiers) in conflicts they do not fully grasp.