H1N1: What Would Bacteria Do?
Physicians who oppose H1N1 vaccination are in the minority, but their position is supported by an unlikely ally—bacteria, said Prof. Eshel Ben-Jacob, a physicist at Tel Aviv University. “Unlike our health authorities, bacteria would never panic. Bacteria don't follow the media or watch cable news … And based on what we've seen in bacterial colonies, I know they would be suspicious committing to swine flu shots,” he said in a statement released by the American Friends of Tel Aviv University. In a recent study, Prof. Ben-Jacob and his associates explored the decision-making processes of bacteria (Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. USA 2009;106:21027–34). Bacteria, he noted, “don't take risks like we do, and the results have paid off. They are supersuccessful, more than any creature on earth. They wouldn't abuse the stock market and would never invest beyond their means. I am also pretty sure most would not rush to get the flu shot.”
Duh-partment of the Obvious
What is the meaning of life? Nature or nurture? These questions may never be answered, but Australian researchers have put a few minds at ease by uncovering the least painful way to remove a Band-Aid. The 65 subjects rated the pain of quick removal at 0.92 on a 1–11 scale, compared with 1.58 for slow removal (Med. J. Aust. 2009;191:682–83). Although average pain scores were lower for women (0.91) than men (1.64), scores were higher in those with more body hair, according to
Twas the Day After Christmas
This press release is intended for physicians and analysts/investors. This release may not have been issued in every market in which santaCLAUS Inc. operates.
In his analysis “Santa Claus: A Public Health Pariah” (BMJ 2009;339:b5261), Dr. Nathan Grills said that the current image of Santa Claus™ promotes obesity, drinking and driving, speeding, and a general unhealthy lifestyle. Dr. Grills of Monash University in Melbourne, Australia, suggested that Santa should slim down, stop eating all the goodies people leave for him, and swap his reindeer for a bike.
The survey shows that 98.9% of “Americans” like Santa Claus™ just the way he is. “It is clear that the santaCLAUS brand's reputation for diversity and generosity outweighs the suboptimal aspects of Santa's character,” said Butterscotch the CEO elf.
About the Survey
This survey was conducted by Maynard the accounting elf among a representative sample of 87 “Americans” (elves who had traveled to the United States) during the elves' coffee break on Jan. 5.