These are hostile acts and it’s technically stealing, but again understanding the context of the behavior would not connect it to robbing a bank.
Those are examples at different ages of one-off stealing. These children deserve a talking to and maybe even punishment within a family. They should apologize to the victim, acknowledge the harm done, offer to make up for any damage, and promise not to steal again.
When Stealing Persists
Persistent stealing is of much greater concern. When a child steals frequently, he is probably lying all the time as well. He will lie, for example, when asked: "Where did you get that? How did that happen? Did you take it?" or "Have you seen it?"
Be careful not to leap and consider childhood stealing in the context of adult behavior. Instead, look at the family dynamics, evaluate the child’s self-esteem, and determine if the child is reacting to some outside pressure. Does the child have a problem with impulsivity or a learning disability that may impair their ability to control behavior?
Several factors tend to put kids at higher risk for more problematic behavior. The child might have a kind of neediness because she doesn’t feel valued or loved while growing up. She steals because she is looking for things to "fill her up," to feel better about herself, or to gain the status of possessing a particular item. Often in these cases, the taking, the gains to self-esteem or social standing, outweighs any guilt. In contrast, if a child feels sufficiently loved and has adequate self-esteem, then the moral price she pays for taking something – the guilt – is greater than the personal value of the item.
For example, a teenager who steals a watch might think: "I really need that watch. That watch is going to make me feel very good about myself. The people who wear that kind of watch are the kind of people I want to be." A lot of these thought processes are subconscious, but often underpin that kind of stealing behavior.
In contrast, an adolescent with good self-esteem might think: "It’s a nice watch and I’d like to have it, but I don’t really need it to feel good about myself. I’m not going to steal it and then feel the guilt and violation of trust with people I love just to have a watch."
Keep in mind that there can be family patterns. In some situations stealing behavior runs in families. Some studies suggest a genetic component, but it’s really unknown how genetics, biochemical factors, or role modeling contribute.
Stealing also can be related to poverty. Under the stress of poverty, the threshold for stealing may be lower. There are a lot of very poor people who would never steal; however, the rate of stealing is higher in poor communities. There are contributing factors that are hard to sort apart, such as inferior schools, fewer afterschool activities, higher dropout rates, gang formation, and so forth.
There is a subgroup of kids who lie and steal – and some are physically aggressive or violent – who will in fact go on to a criminal pattern. They will, by the way, have very little remorse. When one of these children is asked why they took another person’s favorite pen, they answer: "Because I needed a pen." Even if informed the pen was a graduation gift with a lot of meaning, they still say: "Hey, I needed a pen." These kids are members of a very difficult-to-treat subgroup who are at greater risk for criminal activity as adults, but they are a small minority. For children who persistently steal, it is certainly worth a lot of effort to try and help. Refer these children to a mental health professional, because the kind of complex psychiatric assessment they require is outside the realm of a typical primary care office.
Dr. Jellinek is a professor of psychiatry and of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston. He is also president of Newton (Mass.) Wellesley Hospital and chief of Clinical Affairs, Partners HealthCare. He has no relevant disclosures. E-mail him at pdnews@elsevier.com.